In your post

I wasn’t able to understand how much the collection is for. I have only been with this group for a couple of months, so I don’t know the backstory. If you willing to deal with Chase anymore, you don’t have a whole lot of recourse. Either you pay it or get a lawyer to fight it.

It really does suck that they did this. I have NO idea how Chase is even still in business. They are cut throat and we left them a long time ago so not having a heart. I don’t know anyone who’s had a good experience with them.

I got a letter in the mail today from a collection agency

I was surprised because we have a good handle on what’s out there and what needs to be paid. This one was new. So I opened it, and saw immediately that an old ghost had come back to haunt me. Chase.

Some of you will recall my profound hatred for Chase, primarily for two reasons: first, it has come to light that they racked up NSF fees in ways which were unethical even by banking standards. Not to rehash that whole conversation, but suffice to say that there is at least one class action lawsuit against them for that issue, and I’m part of it. Not that I’d get rich from it, but my name is on the long list of all the folks they swindled in that manner.

The other is much more annoying, because it was Me vs Chase, and apparently Chase wants to press the issue. Back in October 2011, while I was in FPU class, I was already in the process of closing my Chase accounts due to a variety of reasons. I had reassigned all my automatic withdrawals from my Chase checking account to my new credit union account, and was just holding the Chase account open in case something came through that I hadn’t remembered to cancel. My farm’s website is a monthly auto-pay which “pulls” from whichever account I have set up with the website hosting service. I had already moved that monthly bill over to the new account. Yet right on schedule, in late October 2011, my Chase account showed a deduction for that amount, going to that company. Hmmm. My first thought was “I thought I switched that over”, and went to check. I DID switch that over, weeks prior, and I saw that the website hosting company had correctly pulled the month’s bill from my new non-Chase account. So then I thought “Ok, maybe I have to cancel them pulling it from Chase. But hey, now I’m paid a month in advance.” So I called the website hosting service’s billing department, and they said no, there had been no double billing, there was nothing on their end that showed a second debit had gone through, I had paid once and that payment had come from the new account. OK, so where did the Chase debit come from, and where did it go? Thus began the circus.

I called Chase the next day, and they said “oh, their system “automatically” prepays debits when it knows that those debits are coming, so no worries, it wasn’t anything I needed to mess with, it would automatically reverse.” I just needed to wait the three days for it to reverse when the website hosting service’s bill never came through. Hmmm. So I waited the three days. The debit against my account didn’t reverse, and then I got hit with a low-balance fee. Which then put my account into the red. Which generated an NSF fee. So while following their instructions, after having checked all the possible sources for a mistake on my part, my $30 phantom charge had already gone up to $50.

So I called again. The gal I had spoken to the first time “wasn’t available”. I went through the whole scenario again. The second gal said hmm, that’s odd, she can see where the debit went “out”, and it seemed to go to the website hosting service, but she could see in previous months that they had requested the payment yet in October no request had come through. So where did that money go? She couldn’t answer that; it was just gone. She asked me to please send her the confirmation of the fact that the bill was paid from the other account, and the hosting service had never received money from Chase for that month, and she would not only reverse the charges, she’d put the $30 back into the account. So I did. And nothing happened. I called them back to follow up, and they couldn’t find who I’d talked to (despite me having her name), and they couldn’t find where any of my information had been documented. At which point I said I really want to close this account, but they wouldn’t let me because of this outstanding issue. The only way to close the account would be to pay in full (despite all my documentation that those charges never should have happened to begin with). And then they’d settle up any differences “later”. Smelling the same rat I was smelling in that arrangement?

So I didn’t pay the fees, but I did send them all the info. A month later, I got hit with yet another low balance fee and another NSF fee. And went through the whole song and dance again. This time, they did have a record that I’d talked to someone, but “she has left the company and took all her records with her” which I already knew was a load of horse hockey. I worked in Customer Service on the phones for 12 years in the lending industry, and those kinds of records are stored on the central server, and access to them is regulated by federal law. There’s nothing that she could have taken with her which wouldn’t have triggered some steep “confidentiality” regulatory fines for either her or the company. But that was their story and they were sticking to it.

Given that I’d done my level best to clear this up, and given that they had essentially taken my money on fraudulent grounds and then wracked up a bunch of fees based on that fraudulent charge, and based on the fact that every time I tried to get to the bottom of it, they changed the story and “lost” all my previous information, in early 2012 I said forget it. I’m done. And I didn’t hear a word of it until today, when I got the collection notice.

I am torn about what to do. I have no problems paying back money that I legitimately borrowed, and we’ve got our snowball churning along towards that very purpose. But this is different – they stole that money, then tacked on charges because it wasn’t there, then expected me to pay for both the fraudulent amount and the fraudulent fees. I could pay the whole thing off tomorrow, but it’s all based on a lie. I am inclined to call the collection agency, tell them my side of the story, and tell them that they can tell Chase to stick it. BUT, I also have to acknowledge that they work for Chase, they probably couldn’t give a fig what my side of the story is, and by acknowledging the letter, I’ll sign myself up for all manner of harassment.

Any suggestions on what I should do? I have zero interest in pursuing this with Chase any further, because all my previous efforts added up to exactly zilch. I also have zero interest in going down to the local branch and having a “conversation” with the branch manager. If they can’t hang onto written documentation I have very little confidence that they’ll hang onto a spoken agreement or anything that I sign while I’m there. I guess I could pursue this through the credit bureaus, and have them pester Chase to prove that I owe the money (which Chase can’t). But I’m not sure if the credit bureaus would say the fees were still valid even if they are based on the original charge, which was fraudulent. Any suggestions for how to handle this?

We were debt free for a while, about a year

Then my son needed braces so we put a huge chunk down and then agree to do the flexible spending thingy that is taken tax free from my husbands check. That was supposed to be for 2 years in a row, 1/2 in 2016 and 1/2 in 2017. We were able to pay it all off by Aug or Sept of 2012 by making extra payments.

We also had to finance part of a vehicle. I know not great but my husband works about 40 minutes from where we live and there is no bus routes around here, so two cars are a must.

Anyway, to answer your question, we have $2800 left on about $8000 of debt. $6000 for the car and $2000 for the braces.

Then we have our mortgage of course…..yuck!

Producing Produce Homework

This week was spent bouncing back and forth between emptying the pantry (how can there be so much food in there and everyone still say there is nothing to eat in the house?) and working on gardening.
After much discussion we have decided to go forth with trying to garden as efficiently as possible this year. Dh and ds have both pledged to lend me a hand in making it as successful as possible. So I spent much of the week educating myself and planning the garden. I watched an untold number of videos from the Back to Eden Gardening Method, to how to prune grapes, to how to plant and pollinate corn.
Like I said we are determined to make the garden as productive as possible this year but we don’t want to kill ourselves doing so. There are certain foods we want to grow but have had very little success with in the past, so I watched utube video after utube video trying to see where we’ve been failing. While certain crops like sweet potatoes, okra, tomatoes and peppers grow like crazy for us white potatoes, corn, peas, strawberries and green beans have been dismal failures in the past. I want no failures this year. After all the reading of websites and watching videos I think I am far better armed to be more successful this year and at the current price of produce I really need to be. As in all aspects of life a little education is a good thing.
Once I felt more secure about the garden I next took advantage of a sale that was going on at Baker’s seeds and placed a small order for the seeds I was out of and needed to replace. I love Baker’s seeds because they are heirloom plants, no gmos, reasonably priced, they have a great germination rate on their seeds and their catalog is a work of art.
While watching the videos I found some excellent videos from Gurney’s on how to prune the grapes to make them most productive. This link I passed on to dh and Saturday he quickly pruned the grapes. Sunday I decided to try my hand at growing grapes from canes and grabbed some of the trimmings to root. Since it was a day later I don’t know if it will work or not, but heck I’m not out anything if it doesn’t work and if it does I have more grapevines to try my luck with, even if they are seeded.
While watching the grape pruning videos dh decided to look up fruit and nut trees to see what it would take to grow those properly and we are now considering trying an orchard again. Time will tell on that.
Many of the videos suggested getting a jump start on your garden by starting basically just about everything in peat pots early so you can set out plants instead of seeds and get a jump start on the growing season as well as get the perfect spacing and location for everything. I have a grow station in my basement, so I plan on starting on that project this next week. That way I won’t be behind on what needs to be planted while waiting for the goose pen repair to be done.
Sunday we went to a nearby feed store that we use to go to all the time, but quit when they raised their prices. They are now back to $2.50 per 50# cheaper than the one we have been using, so we are back to using them because not only is the feed cheaper my birds do better on their scratch blend, it is higher in protein than what we’ve been getting.
While there I checked on their CSA price for 2013 and we are heavily considering it to supplement our garden. It’s 100% organically grown non-gmo produce for 15 weeks starting April 1. The price is $250 and that also gets you a 10% off on any other produce you purchase from them above your CSA. I purchased a lot of produce from them last year and it was all wonderful. All three of us have decided to cut way back on our meat consumption for many reasons and we figure that $16.66 per week for organic produce for 3 people isn’t a bad price at all. Better yet, they deliver it to a place less than 10 miles from my home every Tuesday and the guys could get it on their way home from work, so there would be little extra fuel cost to do so.
On the home de-clutter front dh got my stair step shelf in the pantry built and I will start filling it up today with my canning jars of dried and home canned foods. Next up in the assembly line will be the can rotators, followed closely by goose pen repair so I can get the garden going in earnest.
No overtime or extra income this week, but we did avoid eating out one day when we really wanted to so I did get to put another $20 on BOA. It’s not much, but so far I’ve got that down from being paid off Dec 2013 to Oct 2013 with little bits extra here and there.

It looks like I may be reaching the finsh line for baby step 5 by the end of this year

We have promised our son that we would contribute 5K per year to his college education. We reached this baby step in August at the start of his senior year of HS so it wasn’t like I was able to save up anything before then. He’s a college sophomore right now and all I have left to save up is his book costs for next year 1K, plus another 4k for his senior year. We figure we’ll pay as we go for the books during his senior year. So between now and the end of December I am aiming to have 5K set aside to finish up our share of BS5. My dream is to gift ourselves with this for Christmas, with any extra money in January going to BS6.

So I’m stating this up front for accountablity.

I’m just chiming in to tell everyone that my mom paid off her car that she bought 3 weeks ago for 4K

She doesn’t even have the plates yet. She thought about having to make a car payment for 4 years over the last 2 to 3 weeks and decided that she didn’t want to stress or worry about having to come up with the money every month.
She looked over her budget envelops and found out that she’s been forgetting to save her overtime pay from her busy season at work into her savings account. She does balance her checkbook so don’t get the wrong idea.
She discovered that with her insurance payout and with some extra money in her checking account that she could pay the car off today and not worry about a car payment. So she did!
My DH and I are working hard to convince her to snowball that into her only debt which is Sallie Mae. I tried to get her to do that when she paid off her last car four years ago, but the money didn’t go that far because I got married and moved out. She couldn’t split her expenses anymore.
I think we have her seriously considering it this time because this car payment was smaller than the last car payment and we enticed her by telling her she could probably have the student loan paid off before she would have had the car paid off. So maybe 3 years. She says she’s tired of paying on that student loan and if it wasn’t for that she could afford to live on her own. Which is true.
I just wanted to share. Sometimes my mom does listen when I don’t push, but most of the time she just sees our example and I’m learning to keep my mouth shut. I’m pretty giddy about it right now!!! 🙂

Somebody else mentioned that show off-list as well

I can’t do web design. I just looked at DR’s site. The closest thing to what I’ve done would be Network/Systems Administrator. But I don’t have all the knowledge that they require… 🙁 And caring about the cause is no substitute for working knowledge, unfortunately. I simply need to find a way to learn MORE.

I was listening to the podcast today –

not sure which day it was from, but within the last week – and DR was saying they never could hire enough web folks, he was putting out a call. Wonder if they need IT people too? You’ve got a lot of folks here who can vouch for how much you care about the cause!

We are using Quicken

and we’ve gotten pretty comfy with using it for household spending. I even found, and spent some time building, a spending budget in Quicken which very closely resembles the DR zero-based budget. If everything were to remain the same, we’d build our planning budget in Excel, then compare how we did by downloading our spending through the month, which will auto-populate the Quicken version of the same budget, then compare side by side.

But not all things have stayed the same RTloans.com — quick cash loans. I hear tell that Quicken 2015 made a lot of changes, and some folks are saying it’s not as good as previous versions? I’d very much like to hear what changed. There have also been complaints about the 2014 version supposedly having a small business portion of the software, which none of the books explained very well and is hard to use. I have been debating upgrading to 2017, on the hopes that the small biz portion would be improved. But I don’t want to lose what works in the 2014 version. Anyone care to shed some light on how the two compare side by side? Thanks!

Hey Maria, I did contact one of the grower’s lists

and not only got two referrals to other agents that might be able to help, but also got confirmation that Nationwide is still writing policies for farms like ours. So now the question is “why not us?” I have told the agent that either the underwriter can fix this now, or I’m getting the WA Insurance Commissioner involved. If they had complained about stuff we were definitely selling and planned to continue to sell, and had a definite exposure risk for them (and let’s face it, some ag products are riskier than others), then I could understand. If they warned us that they’d drop us for this-or-that specific product because of changing regs or risks, and gave us time to decide whether to modify our operations to close the offending income stream, I could have even worked with that. But the way this whole thing was handled just stinks to me that something else is going on. I was definitely shell-shocked for a little while there but now I’m on a mission. Whatever the motivation, they’ll very soon be feeling like a bug under a microscope. Maybe they have justified reasons but soon they’ll have to explain that to folks with a lot more clout than me.

As for the suggestions for Dave-recommended insurance agencies, I hadn’t thought of that but I will look for that on his website. Thanks for the idea. I’m still mad, but now I’m calming down a little bit. I was mainly concerned that we have our hogs going to market in April and we wouldn’t get something turned around in time. Now I have some options. Thanks everyone – y’all are the greatest.

I know how frustrating that is for you

I’d be willing to bet the change in policy has to do with some knew government regulation. I know that is what pushed us out of the poultry business. You definitely cannot afford to run without insurance, that is asking for Murphy to move in your attic and “raining” down on you.
I am certain you have already checked with all the various Farm Bureau policies. How about the swine producers network? Or wool producers network? Or any other such farm production folks. Have you queried all the lists?
Also check with the company as to what it would take to “comply” it might be something as simple as a food handler’s permit—that happened to one local farmer I know. Or it could be you have to have a certain type of inspection x times a year. You’ve already done so much to be qualified as certified organic there has to be a way around this.
If the insurance company won’t cover you ask them if they know who would. Also contact your State Insurance Commissioner to find out what type of policy you would need to get and who you would need to get it from.

We just got word that we might lose our insurance coverage for the farm

This was after shopping extensively for farm coverage, and being turned down left and right because insurance companies don’t want to mess with food safety issues so they simply don’t cover farms anymore. We thought we’d finally found a company that would be around awhile, but late yesterday afternoon we got the call from our agent, who is as surprised and angry as we were, that we might be dropped like the proverbial hot potato. I’m really not sure what to make of this new development. If we run without coverage, and something goes wrong, we lose everything because we have to pay out of pocket. If, on the other hand, we trim down our operation to what will fit within their new guidelines, we’ll effectively gut the farm. I can actually understand if they find meats or milk or eggs too risky. But they listed as reasons to deny coverage:
1) the fact that we have sheep and harvest wool from the sheep (um, people don’t eat wool???)
2) we sell books through Amazon.com on our website (I’m totally lost on why that is a risk)
3) we sell meats for ANIMAL consumption, which the federal government doesn’t even regulate

I understand all too well

My dad is on kidney dialysis and I was going to be a kidney donor for him until we learned it could very easily create some additional health issues for both me and for him, at which point we both said no, this isn’t the answer. But he’s tied to that machine now 3x a week, for 4hrs each time. To say his kidney failure has rocked their world is a major understatement. Mom has recently been diagnosed with PTSD which (and I’m trying to be gentle here) has simply become the latest crutch. They are both on multiple medications, some of which might be justified but some of which I suspect are not. And Dad had some business losses in recent years which ate up their savings; a lot of their supposedly very safe investments dropped dramatically with the downturn because most of them were real estate. Their “upper middle class” lifestyle with multiple homes and multiple vehicles and multiple investment accounts has eroded down by a lot, over a very short span of time. I have heard my mother use the word “broke” more times in the last year than in the entire history of my growing up in that house. So the health and financial issues are definitely there. And yes, they’re in that same 70-75 age bracket.

As for others to help, it’s an odd thing but even with siblings, there’s no guarantee they’re going to help. I was it for a long, long time. My two stepbrothers (I call him my Dad but he’s my stepdad), live in a different state, and were never around when the folks needed help. My natural brother also lives in a different state, and is very family oriented but he has three young kids at home. So his “family oriented” was with his own immediate family. I was always the helper, and particularly since we didn’t have kids we were always the ones to travel there for whatever reason. When my mom fell and broke her ankle, I was the one who got the call from the emergency room to drop everything and fly home because she needed me. When my dad went into his first kidney-disease crash-n-burn, I was the one who got the call from emergency room that I had to drop everything and fly home to help Mom take care of him. Those events both happened after we had stopped flying home ourselves, because the farm had become big enough to need our attention by then. So travel at that point was already very expensive and complicated for us; it has only gotten more so since then. Yet the calls have continued to come in at a steady pace. “Mom is suicidal. Come home.” “Dad is at death’s door. Come home.” “Mom has gone missing, we’re not sure where she is. Come home.” “Dad really needs you right now because the doctors aren’t sure if dialysis is going to work. Come home.” Even I could eventually see that pattern emerging. They always miraculously lived through whatever crisis was at hand, but by golly a few months later, another crisis came along. I could set my clock by it.

One of the things we’ve discovered with family, particularly with family facing both health and financial issues, is that there is a LOT of public assistance out there, and no I don’t mean Welfare. There are non-profit groups who help with utility bills, who help with construction, renovation and repair tasks. Who pick up seniors to get them to their doctors’ appointments if/when they can’t drive. There are church groups who will assign a family in need to a group of people, who then take turns baking and cleaning and running errands, so that no one person is tasked with doing too much. So on and so forth. Help is available for folks in any urban area; even in rural areas there are groups who can provide at least some assistance. But what we’ve also found, and I’m still fighting this with my folks, is that they’re too proud to accept that help. But they’re ready, willing and able to pick up the phone, tell me to drop whatever I’m doing to run my very complex and demanding business, and fly home to fix drama-du-jour. Mom once texted me that she was having issues with her DSL connection, and I should fly home to fix it. Because apparently I’m the only one on the planet who can. Finally, I said No, I’ve had enough.

I can understand the value in venting about a situation that you do have under control, but don’t like. I can also understand venting about a situation that you don’t have under control, and you’re not sure what to do about it. I wasn’t sure from your original post which way it was for your particular situation. It does sound like you have the circus under control, for the moment, but you’re trying to figure out if it’s always going to be this way. I would encourage you to Google the term “caretaker syndrome”, and see if you see yourself reflected in what you read. I suspect you will (I sure as heck did). I would then encourage you to seek out alternative ways to provide for your Mom’s needs, both financial and household, and make good use of them. Some of your tax dollars are going to pay for those services; make the most of them. Even non-tax-supported assistance is better than trying to carry all the responsibility of two lives. I’ll bet you already have a pretty good list of things to do just for your own life.

I can guarantee that this latest round of drama will come and go. It always does. But what happens with these situations is that it never stops. There’s always some drama, because that’s how that relationship has evolved over time – the drama feeds the relationship so the relationship creates the drama. If and when you’re ready to get off that bus, there are ways to do so. Until then, I do hope you’re able to get some time for yourself so that you can attend to your own needs, whatever they are. Hang in there, explore your options (and hers), and see if a few of them fit well enough that you can start to turn over the maintenance tasks to someone else. Then you and she can have a relationship based on respect and love, rather than need and guilt. That’s what I’m aiming for with my folks. Still working on it, but it’s better than it was.

Hang in there

One day at a time. We too have a hefty tax bill to the tune of $25K on our business last year. We are making payments to the state and fed for around $775/month.
I wasn’t financially smart enough or dedicated enough or disciplined enough to put away enough for our taxes again this year. Hoping the bill for this one is less than 13k.
For 2013, I’ve decided that I don’t have the discipline to save up myself, so I’ve changed our withholdings from 5 to 2 and added a voluntary extra $100 to state and fed out of each paycheck. In addition, I’ve also started paying more on our paychecks and less on draw/dividends in hopes that all the extra tax paid will save us from having to pay at all in 2013!
Keep at it, eventually you will get one thing completed and you will feel a sense of accomplishment which will fire you up to keep go ing!

We have a payment plan w/IRS if $250 per mo

Just for the origional $12,000 (+ fees, penalties & interest ) equals approximately $14,500. This is NOT including the new $2900.
Mom is 75, in poor health & on a very fixed income. I’m an only child so I’m it. No family to help her, or me for that matter. I know you understand the emotional & psychological baggage that comes with this. The guilt trips are never ending . She has watched all my kids “no $ charge ” forever and I feel obligated. Blah, blah, blah…
My GOAL is to get her flipping house done so she can move into it and stop paying $535 rent and:
1) start paying on the loan we have at the credit union ($254 mo for building supplies and a new furnace for it )
2) start paying the $250 IRS bill
3) start paying the prop taxes & insurance on the property.
That has been an ongoing battle /nightmare! Plumber is coming tomorrow to finish the installation of bathroom plumbing & run the gas line for the kitchen stove. After the plumbing is done, the $$$ out is going to be minimal. Maybe another $1000 total.
It’s just hard to put in the man hours when we both work full time an have a 3 yr old daughter & a 10 yr old son with aspergers Syndrome at home.
Ok. Finished whining! Lol.
Thanks for the support. It helps.

John, I’m so sorry this is still flaring for you

Maybe we as a group can send YOU the Pollyanna pills this time ’round? Hugs to you and to Cyndi. Family life just gets so rotten sometimes. We love them so we want to help them, then they turn on us when we do the single best thing possible for them. Hang in there for both of you, as best you can.

Quite frankly your dm needs to help with those taxes

I know, I know it will be hard to face her on this issue, believe me I know. But for your own salvation you must. You are in this mess because you tried to help her avoid paying certain fees and now you are in a pickle. She created the mess, she needs to help fix it.
Like Kathryn we’ve been the savior right up until we said “No more.” Everyone loved us as long as we were paying their bills and handing out money. When we took over dmil’s finances she had been served with an eviction notice from her senior income building, had over $1,000 in hot check charges in a month and much more. For six years we covered her hot checks, paid her bills, purchased her eye glasses, purchased all her groceries and medicines and much more.
Then sil decided that she wanted dmil’s ss check and went behind our backs to take that over for herself. When that happened we informed them in writing we would NOT be paying any more toward dmil’s future because we knew exactly what would happen when sil did this. We also started sending dmil a monthly bill for a small token payment on the over $64,000 she owes us. The plan was we would put that money back for any future real emergencies she might have. To date we’ve had not a word or penny from them and it’s been 18 months.
Immediately like Kathryn we became the pariah of the family. Siblings were told by sil we had taken dmil’s truck and fifth wheel without paying her for it (we paid $18,000 and have the receipts to show it—sil has actually seen that paperwork and still lies about it). That we took $11,000 of dmil’s brokerage account—sil has seen the brokerage paperwork that shows dmil took it herself and spent it on that exact same sil, That we forced her to take out insurance policies to benefit us—the single policy that was to benefit us was taken out in 1992 by dfil who died in 1999, we didn’t even know about it until we started paying dmil’s bills. The burial policy we have canceled check from OUR checking account that shows we paid for it and the policy states it is strictly for her burial that there will be no additional funds. And the list goes on and on.
We’ve been called everything from the ruination of the family to the devil incarnate. But guess what we survived and when this last week we discovered that not only were those family members back to using the charge cards that dh and I went in debt to help pay off but within a three week period they spent over $10,000 on at least one of the charge cards. They’ve cashed out the life insurance policy we had been paying for dmil’s additional future burial expenses that the burial policy won’t cover that was in dh’s name and much more. While doing this the sil that is doing it has gotten on facebook and told the world that we took advantage of her mother. She has told the world so many lies about us in writing that we could hit her with a serious defamation of character lawsuit. However, we have decided, at this point, to not do so. It’s just not our way. The other siblings that believed the sil are starting to see everything we warned would happen have already happened, but no apologies have came our way. They never will, but we have came to grips with that. Dh and I’ve decided that taking that first step to stop shelling out money for other people’s problems was hard, but so worth it.
Eventually sil will crash and burn and we will let her, we have to because until everyone quits bailing her out she will never take responsibility for her own actions. We have to let that happened, because no matter how angry dh is with his sister he still loves her and he now sees the only way he can truly help her is to let her hit the bottom hard.
We instead continue to battle through to pay off the debt we incurred for dmil and when (hopefully not for a very long time) she passes and the sil is looking around for money not a penny will come from us.

What’s done is done, so don’t beat yourself up over it

You know what you need to do, and in time you’ll do what you have to do. Being “fed up” or “stressed” is a powerful motivator sometimes toward us making positive changes in our futures. Have you talked to the IRS about payment plans for your outstanding balances?
Hugs for you, things will look brighter soon.